Choosing Music for Funerals or Memorials

Music can be an important part of a funeral visitation or memorial service. It can be a reflection of who we are, our passions in life, and our passion for life. With so many choices from traditional to popular, the music chosen for a memorial or visitation service should represent the person we knew.

The loss of loved ones is always difficult, but how we perceive them and how they left us might be unconsciously portrayed in the music chosen to honor their life.

When selecting music for a memorial or visitation, it is often helpful to consider both the person and the circumstances surrounding the death. Did the person live a full, happy life? Or was he or she taken away too soon, before he or she could really experience life to its fullest?

At the services I’ve attended, I have noticed a change from traditional church services, with readings and songs from the hymnal, to memorial services that celebrate the life of a loved one through nontraditional music chosen because it was a favorite of the deceased.

When I reflect on the services I’ve attended, it’s often the music that was played that helps me remember the person who has moved on. It becomes a tribute to that person and the memories I have of him or her.

A memorial service for a child is especially difficult. Attending the service for a family member who died in a tragic accident while still in high school is one I’ll never forget – it will always break my heart. The grief is overwhelming, but the two things I remember most clearly about that service was the music. The service was held in the gym at the town’s high school. As family, friends, and the community gathered to pay their respect, music from his playlist was piped through the gym’s speakers. At the end of the service there was a bagpiper that led the family out of the gym. To this day when I hear the song “American Pie” (one of the songs played), or when I hear bagpipes I’m reminded of the loss of that person.

I was a pall bearer at a funeral for the mother of a childhood friend. She was called “Ma” by everyone who knew her. It was a somewhat traditional service held in the funeral home. There were the usual readings and hymnals, but the service ended with the playing of Frank Sinatra’s “My Way.” I remember it being played and thought it was an appropriate choice to honor her.  As sad as it was for everyone to say goodbye to “Ma,” everyone was able to smile – just a little – while that song was playing.

If you take the time to preplan your funeral, consider what music you want played. The music chosen can be your last statement and may have a powerful impact on the service and everyone in attendance.