Sending Funeral Thank You Notes

Expressing your thanks and gratitude can be very important, not only to the person sending the notes, but also to the recipients.

Sending Notes of Thanks
The time following a funeral or service is a time for reflection and rest and not everyone feels organized enough to prepare notes and pass on their thanks. You may feel compelled to thank everyone who came, but going to that extreme is not necessary. Your focus should be on close family, friends and those who contributed in some special way. Thanking those who sent flowers, made donations, or contribution is typical. However, don’t forget those who provided you with emotional support, which is a gift that will never be forgotten.

Timing is Important
Immediately following the formal “goodbye” and the emotional stress of all the planning and arrangements, often the last thing on your mind is to send out thank you notes. However, sending an expression of your gratitude should be done as soon as possible and good form suggests within four weeks following the service. This can also be very therapeutic for the sender.

Don’t Overthink It
Simplicity is fine – the recipients really aren’t expecting any form of follow up communication. Do what feels right to you and remember that this is part of the healing process. You may wish to include other family members in the act, as they likely will want to be part of the healing process.

What Do I Say?
Length is not important. The simple act of sending the note expresses your gratitude. If they sent flowers, made a contribution of some form, or assisted you in a certain way, then mention that specifically in your note. You may want to say how their thoughtfulness made you feel and how it helped you get through this very difficult time. Such as:

• Your presence was comforting
• Thank you for the generous donation
• The flowers were beautiful
• The gladiolas (roses, lilies, carnations) were (deceased’s name) favorite flowers
• Your kind words helped me through this difficult time
• Having you participate in the service meant so much to me
• Thank you for coming so far to be with me at this time
• Your help in preparing meals for our family was thoughtful

What Type of Note
As previously written, conveying your thanks and appreciation is key to the healing process for all concerned. There are many types of notes available but the type of note you choose to send is one of personal preference. Note options include:

• Retail cards and packages: This is probably the most common type. These are available at stationary stores and general stores that sell greeting cards. You will find them in single card or multiple card packages and in a variety of designs and inscriptions. Additionally, many funeral homes offer a package which will include not only thank you cards, but also memorial cards (single sheet often with a spiritual or religious verse) and a program for the funeral if so desired.
• Handwritten notes: You may choose to write a more personalized note using your own stationary or personal note cards. In cases of very close friends and family, a personal handwritten expression of thanks may be more to your liking.
• Homemade cards: If you possess a more creative style and are looking to busy yourself during the grieving process, a homemade card may be the right thing for you. These could include family images or other sentimental expressions or sayings. Many stationary stores and craft shops will have card making supplies available and in a wide variety of options.
• E-cards: In this digital age, e-cards are gaining in popularity. Many e-card services are available online ranging from free services to paid subscription options. These can be a lovely gesture and can include audio, photos, and even animated messages. However, as a cautionary note, be sure your recipients use technology frequently so your important note of thanks isn’t overlooked or missed entirely.

You may use a combination of the above options to convey your message, choosing the option that best fits the recipient. Send the note in the format you feel most comfortable with and which would appeal the most to the specific recipient.

Finally, there is no official time frame for writing a note of thanks and appreciation to those who have provided assistance, comfort or another gesture to you. The thing to remember is that you have received support and comfort from many concerned and caring people and by acknowledging that, you are helping yourself to heal.