Eulogy 101: How to Write and Deliver a Eulogy

A eulogy is a speech written in memory of the deceased, usually given at a funeral or memorial service. A family member or close friend will typically write and deliver the eulogy, although a religious leader can also deliver it. Writing a eulogy may seem tough to do while grieving, but it can provide positive emotions as well when reflecting on the life of the deceased.

Before Drafting the Eulogy

What is the mood or tone?
Before you begin drafting, consider the type of tone you want the eulogy to be. Do you want to be more somber and serious? Or lighthearted and humorous? The choice is yours and may reflect the personality of the deceased. If the deceased had a great sense of humor, you might choose to add humor to illuminate his or her qualities. On the other hand, the tone may be determined by the nature of the death. It may be appropriate to use a serious tone if the death was unexpected or tragic, compared to a death that was a natural result of old age, such as that of a grandparent.

Who is the audience?
Consider the audience that will be in attendance. When drafting the eulogy, it’s important to keep the family of the deceased in mind. Focus on the positive aspects of the deceased’s life. If using humor, avoid things that could be considered offensive or confusing to the audience. Write using language that is appropriate and that the audience understands, and include memories that allow those in attendance to reminisce on their time with the deceased.

Brainstorming and Outlining the Eulogy

There’s no right or wrong way to write a eulogy, no specific structure to follow, and every eulogy sounds different. A eulogy is tailored to each individual person. Although there is no single way to write a eulogy, here are some things you may want to do and things you may want to include:

Create a timeline
If you start by making an outline or timeline of the deceased’s life, starting at birth or starting when you met him or her, you’re less likely to forget things. If you’re starting from birth, write an outline of events that would be worth mentioning (e.g. childhood memories, graduations, career, marriage, having kids, etc.). Maybe you haven’t known him or her since birth, and that’s OK. Jot down important life events and achievements, or a particular memory or story from the time you shared together.

Gather memories
Think about some favorite memories you’d like to share, and ask friends or family members of the deceased if they have any memories you can include. Aside from sharing memories and other life events, you might want to list things that he or she was passionate about (e.g. hobbies, sports, volunteering, etc.) or some of his or her qualities (kind, funny, selfless, etc.). Did the deceased have a favorite song or poem, or, is there a song or poem you find fitting that you want to include? The options are endless.

Composing the Eulogy

It may help to think of writing the eulogy like writing a paper or a speech. Including an introduction, a body, and a conclusion can keep it organized and flowing.

Introduction
Start with a brief introduction of yourself. The audience may or may not know you. Either way, give your name and your relationship to the deceased. If you are related, describe how. If not, briefly share how and when you met. You may want to share some basic information about the life or family of the deceased following the introduction.

Body
The body of the speech is where your brainstorming comes into play. You could probably talk about your loved one all day, but narrow down those thoughts and ideas to a few topics. Organize it in a way that’s easy to follow—chronologically, a common theme you picked up on from your memories and others’, or by speaker (if there will be more than one). The memories, songs or poems you share should illustrate the qualities of the deceased and paint a picture of how you want him or her to be remembered.

Conclusion
Reiterate the main message or theme. You might share a final story or memory, or tie everything together with a quote or a poem that you feel is appropriate. The conclusion may be as simple as a thank-you for the life you’ve shared with the deceased.

A few tips:

• A eulogy averages about three to five minutes in length, however the time may vary. To be safe, ask the funeral director or the family how long you will have to speak.
• Be concise and clear. The phrase “less is more” applies when delivering a eulogy.
• Get feedback from family and friends who know the deceased. Is there anything they think you should change or take out, or is there anything important you’ve forgotten?
• Write or type the final copy of the eulogy in a font that is big enough to read.

Delivering the Eulogy

There are a few options for delivery. One person or many people may read it. If many will read it, it will likely be broken up into equal parts, which you can decide on during the composition stage.

Practice makes perfect, right?
Not always. You should practice the eulogy and read it over a few times beforehand, but be aware that you might not deliver it that way in front of a crowd. The atmosphere and emotions at the funeral or memorial may impact your speech.

Handling your emotions
It’s perfectly normal to get emotional and cry. That’s OK. Don’t be afraid to pause and collect yourself. With that being said, it’s also OK to make the crowd laugh or smile. The service isn’t just about saying goodbye. It’s about honoring and celebrating the life your loved one lived.

Breathe
Take a few deep breaths before you begin. You could be an excellent public speaker, or it could be your biggest nightmare. It may be helpful to look at it as if you’re having a casual conversation with a friend.

Most importantly…
Writing a eulogy is an incredible honor; remember this. It may hurt to write it and read it aloud, but it’s a privilege to give the tribute because it shows your importance to the deceased and the family. They trust that you can illustrate and deliver the beauty of his or her life better than anyone else. In a time of grieving, your eulogy will aid family and friends during the healing process.